Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts

Monday, 25 January 2010

The Mighty Pacman


I will say Manny Pacquiao (Pacman) is currently the best known Pinoy in the world now. His feat in the boxing world for being the first to win 7 World boxing Title in 7 different weight category has made him the No. 1 pound for pound boxer in the world.

Aside from being a boxer, Pacquiao has participated in politics, acting, filmmaking, and music recording.

Here are some of the coming attractions in place for the pacman.

First in line the pacman will be feature in the upcoming movie Twilight, which he will be feature as a vampire.

Riding on his fame, there will be more film projects in line for the pacman. For example "Lord of the rings" as Aragorn

Star Wars where the Pacman will feature as "Aniki Skywalker"


The Pacman is no stranger to the military as he has served as a military reservist holding the ramk of a "Sergent Major" Therefore it is no coincedence that he will be feature in "Saving Private Pacquiao"

The Japanese Comic made to movie "Dragonball"

Of Course The Orginal "SuperPacman"


Some local productions

Music production as F4 from the Pinoy's version Meteor Rain

Bringing honour and glory to philippines, the pacman will be gracing one of his nation's currency

Not forgetting his ambition in politics, he may one day be the president of Philippines. So for the pacman's fans I believe they will all support him all the way towards his dream.
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Saturday, 28 November 2009

Japan No.1 Hip Hop dancing Robot



Currently the latest Hip Hop dancing robot (Manoi GO) created by japanese inventor. The Japanese are known for creating Robots that really rock the world. This time they mirror the dance moves of real life Hip Hop dancers, therefore looking at the video MANOI GO really dances like a real Hip Hop dancer ranging from basic movements to advance moves like head spin.

According to sources MANOI GO is 40cm tall and will be available mid 2010 Manoi GOfor about USD$1500/=

This looks like a really cool gift, if you want to impress someone, you can consider getting MANOI GO

Tuesday, 22 September 2009

Rated Best Doctor Joke of the Year

IJN Surgeon Performing Cardiothoracic SurgeriesImage via Wikipedia

A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant.

'Murphy, I am going hunting tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients'..
'Yes, sir!' answers Murphy.

The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks:
'So,Murphy, how was your day?'

Murphy told him that he took care of three patients.
'The first one had a headache so he did, so I gave him Paracetamol.'

'Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?' asks the doctor.
'The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon, so I did sir'
says Murphy.

'Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?'
asks the doctor.

'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a young
gorgeous woman borsts in so she does. Like bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everyting including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts: 'HELP ME for the love of St Patrick! For five years I have not seen any man !"



'Tunderin' Lard, Murphy, my boy, what did you do?' asks the doctor.



" Well, of course, I put drops in her eyes!'


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Thursday, 7 May 2009

How man behave after marriage

This is a good one, I have come across recently

The Love Word:

After 6 weeks: I looo-ve you, I love you, I love you!
After 6 months: Of course, I love you.
After 6 years: GOD, if I didn't love you, then why did I marry you?

Back from Work:
After 6 weeks: Honey, I'm home!
After 6 months: I'm BACK!!
After 6 years: Have you cooked yet?

Phone Ringing:
After 6 weeks: Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
After 6 months: Here, it's for you.
After 6 years: ANSWER THE PHONE DAM*T!!

Cooking:
After 6 weeks: I never knew food could taste so good!
After 6 months: What are we having for dinner tonight?
After 6 years: DUMPLING AGAIN??

New Dress:
After 6 weeks: Wow, you look like an angel in that dress.
After 6 months: You bought a new dress again?
After 6 years: How much did THAT cost me?

TV:
After 6 weeks: Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
After 6 months: I like this movie.
After 6 years: I'm going to watch PIRATES play, if you're not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself!

Making Love:
After 6 weeks: Baby, I want you tonight?
After 6 months: Lets make another baby, my mother just called!!!
After 6 years: Please MOVE over to your side, I'm suffocating here!!!!

Sunday, 29 March 2009

What is the Gender of Your Computer?

A group of IT Engineers are in a discussion of the topic about, the gender of a computer. After numerous hours of discussion they come to a series of points to support their argument.

4 Reasons Computers Must Be Female

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

4 Reasons Computers Must Be Male

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they cause the problem.

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

Tuesday, 24 March 2009

Is it sinful to have sex on Sabbath?

This Gutenberg Bible is displayed by the Unite...Image via Wikipedia

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question.

After consulting the Bible, the priest says, "My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on Sundays."

The man thinks: "What does a priest know about sex?"

So he goes to a minister, who after all is a married man and experienced in this matter. He queries the minister and receives the same reply. Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath! Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out a Rabbi, a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge.

The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, " My son, sex is definitely play."

The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?"

The Rabbi softly speaks, "My son, if sex were work, my wife would have the maid to do it."


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Wednesday, 17 December 2008

15 Major Corporate Logos Revamp


The 2008 crash is probably the most serious economic crisis we have faced after the Great Depression. Stock markets from around the world fell as much as 20% in a single week, dozens of banks either failed or were rescued by government and private institutions, and companies started laying off employees as a consequence of the reduced demand.

We know how we entered into the crisis, but we don't how, when, or how we will be getting out of it. Considering that issue, we decided to our little bit to help cheer everyone up by redoing the logos of some renowned companies …. after the crisis.
















Friday, 12 December 2008

Just for Laugh

Just image you are in this situation, how will you react. I can't stop laughing when I saw this clip. This is one the most brilliant prank played. Enjoy watching :)

Monday, 8 December 2008

Brilliant Answers to Questions

If you are ever caught in a situation, a brilliant answer will get you out of the hook. Here's some brilliant examples

Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?

Customer: What other colors do you have?

Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?

Sam: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

Husband: You know, wife, our son got his brain from me.

Wife: I think he did, I've still got mine with me!

Manager: Sorry, but I can't give you a job. I don't need much help.

Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!!

Dad: Son, what do you want for your birthday?

Son: Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.

Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else?

Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.

Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?

Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

Sunday, 7 December 2008

Professional Fee

Two construction workers at work.Image via WikipediaOnce upon a time, so the story goes, there was a major technical problem at a billion-dollar atomic power plant. This malfunction was slowing energy generation and reducing the overall efficiency of the entire operation.

As much as they tried, the plant's engineers could not identify and solve the problem. So they brought in one of the nation’s top consultants on atomic plant construction and engineering to see if he could determine what was wrong. The consultant arrived, put on a white coat, took his clipboard and went to work. For the next two days, he walked around, studying the hundreds of dials and gauges in the control room, taking notes and making calculations.

At the end of the second day, he took a black felt marker out of his pocket, climbed up on a ladder and put a large black "X" on one of the gauges."This is the problem,” he explained. “ Repair and replace the apparatus connected to this meter and the problem will be solved."

He then took off his white smock, drove back to the airport and flew home. The engineers disassembled the apparatus and discovered that, sure enough, this was the cause of the problem. It was soon repaired and the plant was back up to full capacity.

About a week later the plant manager received a bill from the consultant for $10,000 for “Services rendered.”

The plant manager was surprised at the size of the bill, even though this was a multi-billion dollar nuclear facility and the problem had been costing an enormous amount of money in lost generating capacity. After all, he reasoned, the consultant had come in, stood around for a couple of days, written a black "X" on one of the gauges and then returned home. $10,000 seemed like a high fee for such a simple job.

The plant manager wrote back to the consultant. "We have received your bill. Could you please break down and itemize your charges. It seems that all you did was to write one "X" on a single gauge. $10,000 appears to be excessive for this amount of work."

Some days later, the plant manager received a new invoice from the consultant. It said, "For placing "X" on gauge: $1.00. For knowing which gauge to place "X" on: $9,999."

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Wednesday, 1 October 2008

101 Politically corrected terms

Silhouettes representing healthy, overweight, ...Image via WikipediaHere are some better alternative terms we can use to address on "sensitive" issue, I believe using them effectively will reduce much fraction in human relation.



A Criminal - unsavory character
A Crook - morally (ethically) challenged
Abortion - Near-Life Experience
Alcoholic - Anti-Sobriety Activist
Alive - temporarily metabolically abled.
An Immigrant - a newcomer
Assassination - involuntary term limitation
Bald - comb-free
Bald - folically independent
Bald - follicularly challenged.
Battle Fatigued - shellshocked
Blind
- optically darker
Blind - photonically non-receptive
Blind - visually challenged
Body Odor - nondiscretionary fragrance.
Broken Down Automobile - mechanically challenged
Broken Home - Dysfunctional Family
Bum - Displaced Homeowner
Bum - Homeless Person
Bum - Involuntarily Domiciled
Cannibalism - Intra-Species Dining
Censorship - Selective Speech
Cheating - Academic Dishonesty
China - Porcelain
Chronically Late - Temporarily Challenged
Clumsy - uniquely coordinated
Commercial Fisherman - Flipper Whipper
Computer Illiterate - Technologically Challenged
Corpse - Permanently Static Post-Human Mass
Corpse / Stiff - Metabolically Challenged
Corpse / Stiff - Terminally Inconvenienced
Cowardly - Challenge Challenged
Cowboys - bovine control officers
Crackpot - certified astrological consultant, certified crystal therapist, or certified past-life regression hypnotist
Crime Rate - street activity index
Dead - Actuarially Mature
Dead - biologically challenged
Dead - environmentally correct human
Dead - living impaired
Dead - metabolically challenged
Dead - persons living with entropy
Deaf - Visually Oriented
Delicatessen - Corpse Farm
Dirty Old Man - sexually focused chronologically gifted individual
Dish Washer - utensil sanitizer
Dishonest - Ethically disoriented.
Dorm - Residence Hall
Drooling Drunk Idiot - person on floor
Drowning - aquatically challenged
Drug Addict - Chemically Challenged
Drunk - spacially perplexed
Drunk / Junkie - in recovery
Earthquake - geological correction
Fail - achieve a deficiency.
Fat - Differently Weighted
Fat - gravitationally challenged
Fat - horizontally challenged.
Fat - horizontally gifted
Fat - People of Mass
Fat - person of substance
Fictional / Mythological - ontologically challenged
Freshman - first-year student
Frog - amphibian American
Full of Crap - fecally plenary
Gang - Youth Group
Garbage Man - sanitation engineer
Gas Station Attendent - petroleum transfer technician
Geek, Nerd, whatever... - socially challenged
Ghetto / Barrio - Ethnically Homogenous Area
Hamburger - Seared Mutilated Animal Flesh
Handicapped - Differently Abled, Handi-Capable
Having PMS - cyclically challenged
Hearing Person - temporarily aurally abled
Homeless - outdoor urban dwellers
Homeless - residentially flexible
Homelessness - Mortgage-Free Living
Housebroken - Family Disfunction
Housewife - domestic engineer
Hunter - Animal Assassin
Hunter - Bambi Butcher
Hunter - Meat Mercenary
Ignorant - factually unencumbered
Ignorant - knowledge-based nonpossessor.
Incompetent - Differently Qualified
Incompetent - Specially Skilled
Incompetent - Uniquely Proficient
Insane People - Mental Explorers
Insane People - Selectively Perceptive
Insult - Emotional Rape
Janitor - sanitation engineer
Klutz - kinesthetically challenged
Large Nose - nasally gifted
Lazy - motivationally dispossessed
Lazy - motivationally deficient.
Learning Disability - Self-Paced Cognitive Ability
Library - Educational Resource Center
Logger - Wood Weasel
Logger - Paper Pirate
Logger -Treeslayer
Loser - Second Place
Loser - uniquely fortuned individual on an alternative career path
Man-hole - maintenance hole
Mankind - humankind
Mankind, Human, Person - Earth Children
Mercy Killing - Euthanasia
Mercy Killing - Putting Down/To Sleep/Out of Misery
Messy - differently organized
Meter Maid - Parking enforcer
Midget / Dwarf - Little People
Midget / Dwarf - Vertically Challenged
Mute/Dumb - verbally challenged
Not with somebody at the moment - romantically challenged
Off - energy-efficient
Old - chronologically gifted
Old Person / Elderly - Gerontologically Advanced
Old Person / Elderly - Senior Citizens
Panhandler - Unaffiliated applicant for private-sector funding.
Paper Bag - processed tree carcass
Perverted - Sexually dysfunctional.
Pimp-mobile / Low-rider - Culturally Responsive Transportation Option
Plagiarism - Previously Owned Prose
Po' - financially inept
Policeman, Policewoman - law inforcement officer
Poor - economically marginalized
Poor - Economically Unprepared
Poor
- monetarily challenged
Postman - letter carrier
Pregnant - parasitically oppressed.
Prisoner - client of the correctional system
Prostitute - sex care provider
Psychobabble - constructivist feminist psychotherapy
Psychopath - socially misaligned
Racist - genetically discriminating
Really Big Nosed - nasally disadvantaged
Redneck - person of region
Redneck - rustically inclined
Refugees - asylum seekers
Road Kill - Vehicularly Compressed Maladapted Life Form
Rudeness - Tact Avoidance
Runny Nose - nasally gifted
Senile Bag o' Bones - Alzheimer's Victim
Serial-Ki


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Monday, 1 September 2008

Michael Phelps behaving badly after his victory




Michael Phelps totally insults his opponent after his win???

Relax, it is a Just For Laugh clip done by magichugs.com. How did I know? Just look at the background of the 1st runner-up there is no Omega sign and Cavic definitely don't look this fat hahaha!!!

However this clip is really funny. I hope it will bring you some laugh like it has bring me.

Monday, 16 June 2008

EuroEnglish for The European Union

The map shows the results of a Eurobarometer poll conducted in 2005. Available here.Image via WikipediaIn search of the perfect official language the European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for the European Community, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her majesty’s Government Conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year plan for what will be known as The “EuroEnglish”.

In the first year, “s” will be used instead of the soft “c”. Sertaintly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also the hard “c” will be replaced with “k”. Not only will this klear up Konfusion, typewriters kan have one less letter too.

There will be a growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome ‘ph” will be replaced by “f”. This will make words like “fotograf” 20% shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Government will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling . Hence, al wil agre that the horrible mes of the silent “e” in the language is disgrastful, and they must go.

By the forth year, people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” by “z” and “w” by “v”.

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords containing “ou”, and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters,

After zis fifz yer, ve wil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikutis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

Ze drem vil kum tru!


Zemanta Pixie

Wednesday, 11 June 2008

Following instructions as close as possible

A blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all those dumb blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to proof her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.

He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes.

He asks what she is doing.

She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat.

She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said....

FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

Tuesday, 27 May 2008

Engineer From Hell

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer — you’re in the wrong place.” So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.

Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?” Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.” God replies, “What??? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake — he should never have gotten down there; send him up here.” Satan says, “No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.” God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.”

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”

Saturday, 17 May 2008

Banking Junk Cheque of USD$95,000 into my Bank Account Successfully Part 2 - Finale

Continued from Part 1

Based on a True Story by Patrick Combs

Bank Error In My Favor: Collect $95,000 / ORIGINAL version.
© 2008 Patrick Combs


Now I had no recollection of ever meeting this man before and suddenly I had the horrifying thought that this was in fact, Robert Gage. (Editors note: Robert Gage is not the real name of the Security Office and standing in that elevator I could not remember what made-up name I had used on my web pages, and I was wondering if Tom Johnson was the name I had chosen?) Had he read my web pages and was he now toying with me? He spoke again, "We met the first time you came to Charles Ward. I'm the one who let you in the office." Oh! I was relieved.

The familiarity of Charles Ward's face was reassuring. Our last meeting had seemed friendly. We sat down again at a conference room table to settle our matter. We had a short checklist to work through: Sign the agreement, provide each other with originals, confirm I'd returned the check -- and lastly, "Had I brought the two checks for the interest and closing of my account?" I had.

I took the checks out of my bag, and although the words 'non-negotiable' didn't take up more than an inch of the top right hand corner of the check, they stood out like sore thumbs. I'd pay $95,000 if someone could have captured the look on Charles' face. It was a classic Kodak moment. He tilted his head to confirm that the words he was seeing were an actuality. And then his head started shaking no, and his mouth said, "Patrick, Patrick, Patrick..... This is a problem. This is a problem. What are we going to do here?" His head kept shaking back and forth. I held back my smile and said, "Don't worry about those words Charles. The words 'non-negotiable' on the face of a check don't invalidate it. It's still a perfectly legal instrument. That's my point." He looked at me like he was thinking, "You are a never-ending piece of work."

Our settlement was done. I had just signed and executed a five page agreement that won me (1) the bank admitting to mistakes (2) letters of apology sent by the bank to those who received bounced checks because of all this (3) proof that my credit rating was undamaged (4) complete dismissal of all charges and damage claims, and 5) the right to continue speaking and writing about the experience.

Before getting up from the table, I reached into my bag one more time. I produced two copies of my book and offered them to Charles (He has two daughters in college, I'd learned during our first meeting). "My way of saying thank you for helping me resolve this manner," I said. Pleasantly smiling, he replied, "You are very very thoughtful and very kind Patrick. Thank you for the most gracious offer, but I must decline. Thank you though -- I have seen your book and although I haven't read it all, it does look like a very good book."

Following that I looked at Charles and said, "Is there any one in First Interstate Bank who is interested in going after the company that issued these ridiculous junk checks?" He said that he couldn't answer that at the time (Charles always plays it close to the vest), but then he said, "I can tell you that I'm well aware of the trouble they caused here and I'm considering the actions that can be taken against them." "Great! Make sure they know that 'non-negotiable' doesn't invalidate a check" I said, "That might be a real leverage point. Make them well aware of the fact that they might have to honor 40 million of the junk checks they issue." Charles and I continued our talk about the problems that junk checks for another 10 minutes and then all the way out the door. His primary concern: Banks process millions of checks per day and billions of checks per month -- their systems simply can't look at every check.

At the elevator door he wanted to tell me something that was very important to him. "Patrick, I hope you won't encourage other people to deposit junk checks because it would not only cause problems for banks, but it would result in even bigger problems for the people who deposited the check." I assured him that I knew what he was talking about. If you deposit a junk check in an attempt to get the bank's money, you are attempting fraud. If you do it, it clears and you spend the money, you have committed fraud and possibly bank robbery (Yes, actually Bank Robbery charges).

At the same time, I am unaware of any laws that make it illegal to put a junk check into an ATM as a joke. I could be wrong, but then again, my bank never pointed out any such law to me.

Just before entering the elevator door, I asked Bernard for $5 based on the $5 Perfect Service Guarantee. “After all Bernard, the mistake happened while the policy was still in effect.” Bernard shook his head and then reached for his wallet. “The policy is no longer in effect, but I think you earned it,” he said handing me $5.

Saturday, October 7, 1995

What a tool the internet has been! Between the time I first posted these pages, on August 4, 1995, till today, October 7, 1995-- over 50,000 people have read these pages. On average, I received 100 letters a day. I'm going to miss updating these pages and receiving daily letters, but all good things should end so that there is room for bigger and better things to enter. I thank every one who followed along, and who sent their support, immensely. On the hard days, I turned to the internet for encouragement and advice.

Take care out there and Viva la Revolucion!!

Best wishes, Patrick Combs
THE END

Thursday, 15 May 2008

Banking Junk Check of $95,000 to my bank account successfully!!!


On May 19th, I was one of thousands of people around the country who received a 'junk mail' letter touting a get-rich quick method for making $95,093.35 in just three weeks. That letter also came with a for the same amount, $95,093.35. Everything about the check looked real except for the words 'non-negotiable for cash' typed on the top right hand corner.

For very little reason at all I deposited this check into my ATM. It was fun, like putting monopoly money into the bank. I walked home picturing a bank teller opening my deposit envelope and chuckling upon the sight of the ridiculously large, and obviously a sample, check. I fully expected that on Monday morning someone from my bank would call and say, 'Mr. Combs, the check you deposited on Friday wasn't real.'

On Monday when they didn't call, I figured they were mailing the check back to me and I forgot about the whole thing. Then two days later, while withdrawing $40, my ATM produced a receipt that stated my balance at over one hundred thousand dollars! Suddenly, I remembered the $95,093.35 deposit.

I walked briskly and excitedly home. As soon as I got in I called a friend and told them what'd happened. He made a quick phone call to his own bank and called me back: "It's standard policy to credit your account for any amount you deposit, but it's only a credit. You can't touch the money unless the check clears." Of course -- It was just a matter of days before the bank would erase the credit and return my account to a mere $5,000.

For the next two days I called my bank for my account balance. It remained over a hundred grand.

Friday morning I again called for my account balance. Still no change. Curiosity kicked in. I went to my bank, approached a teller, and posed this question: "If I need a cashiers check for $70,000 later this afternoon do I have the funds available?"

The teller typed my account number into her computer and said, "Yes, the money is available." -- I got out of the bank fast. And I felt supercharged with possibility and shock.

From that moment until the next Wednesday when I boarded a plane for a four day career-counseling conference in Orlando FL(I make my living as an author and speaker addressing career success), $95,093.35 was available for withdrawal from my account. My close friends and I contemplated, for fun, all the possibilities a hundred grand afforded. "To Leave the Country or Not To Leave -- That is the question."

I knew that the money was going to be taken out of my account -- and each day I figured it would happen tomorrow. I boarded my flight to Orlando confident, and glad, that in all likelihood the money would be gone upon my return. It had already possessed my thoughts for a week.

On Monday, the day after my return, I called for my account balance. Five thousand and something dollars was what I expected to hear. No such luck. "What's happening here!!!"

Two weeks and that money was still sitting in my account. "It will be gone tomorrow," I kept telling myself for the next five days. Then on Friday, exactly three weeks since I had deposited the sample check I, again, returned to the bank. I approached a bank teller at the special Customer Service window, and I sternly stated: "I recently deposited $95,000 and I don't want to spend any of the money if there is the possibility of the check being returned. How long should I wait?"

Again the teller keyed in my account number. Then she said, "$95,093.35 deposited on May 21st. You're safe to spend that money now because that check can no longer be returned. Depositors are protected by a law that says checks cannot be returned after 10 business days." I couldn't believe my ears. I couldn't believe my luck. I couldn't believe what was happening to me. On my way out of the bank, I grabbed every brochure and pamphlet that vaguely implied it might contain the law she had just referenced and I went home and read voraciously.

My reading didn't reveal the law I was looking for. Quickly I learned that bank brochures don't tell you your rights -- they tell you all the bank's rights. (Some of which I found quite interesting). But at the end of one of the brochures I found a reference that said, "For more information contact, The Office of Thrift Supervision." (O.T.S)

I called the O.T.S. and a man answered the phone. I gave my first name only and I gave him a quick synopsis of what had transpired. He treated my story with a cool intrigue. He told me that the ten day law the teller had mentioned was known as "The Midnight Deadline." But he suggested that the more important legal question had to do with "negotiability." He wondered if the check I deposited was a true negotiable instrument. He said, "The banking law book, Bradys, has specific criteria that a check has to match in order to qualify as legal negotiable instrument. I'm not sure what they are but if the check you deposited was actually a negotiable instrument that would explain why your bank passed it."

Within three hours I had found my way to the Hasting's Law Library and to the book, Brady on Bank Checks - The Law of Bank Checks
by Henry Bailey and Richard Hagedorn .

Uuggh! Reading a big thick law book. Suddenly I knew why law students always looked so beat and tired. I didn't know how I was going to find anything in the monstroserous tome in front of me, and then my eyes caught sight of a small pocket sized book titled, Negotiable Instruments and Check Collection . It was a heaven sent guide for laymen. And plain as day, it listed the nine criteria for a negotiable instrument. I flipped it open and as if by magic, I found myself staring at a page that read, "The Nine Criteria for a Negotiable Instrument." I dove in reading with ferocious intensity.

The first eight criteria went my way. Things like, must have a signature, a date, the words "pay to," - all the things you expect to see on a check. The check I deposited had all the right features however it also carried the words "non-negotiable" in the top right hand corner. Hopefully the ninth point would address this. It said, "The ninth issue is whether people can create an instrument that matches the first eight criteria, and then avoid negotiability by declaring on the instrument that it is not negotiable."

I took a deep breath. The roulette wheel was spinning to a stop, giving me a fifty-fifty chance at a hundred grand. I began reading the next sentence slower than any sentence I've read in my life, my finger uncovering one word at a time. "No, give me the word no," I said to myself.


"The... answer... is... ...yes."

Wham. Ugh. Game over.

Any fantasies I had about the $95,000 dollars fizzled. But then, I moved my finger a micro-inch further, and saw a comma. "The answer is yes, except on a check." It went on:

"A declaration on a check that it is not negotiable is ineffective.” The meaning of this sunk in quickly - I was the luckiest S.O.B. alive. The get-rich-quick company had accidentally designed a real check - and I had deposited it!

Bank Error In My Favor: Collect $95,000 / ORIGINAL version.
© 2008 Patrick Combs

"Depositing the Junk Check"

Too be Continued Part 2

Friday, 18 April 2008

Pay Raise

The Maid asked for a raise.

The lady of the house was very upset about this and asked: "Now Maria, why do you want an increase?"

Maria: "Well Madam, there are three reasons why I want an increase.
The first is that I iron better than you."

Lady of the house: "Who said you iron better than me?"

Maria: "The Master said so."

Lady of the house: "Oh."

Maria: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."

Lady of the house: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than I am?"

Maria: "The Master did."

Lady of the house: "Oh."

Maria: "My third reason is that I am better at sex than you."

Lady of the house (very upset now): "Did the Master say so as well?"

Maria: "No Madam, the gardener did"

SHE GOT THE PAY RAISE..!

Thursday, 13 March 2008

That's Not My Job

This is a story about four people: Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it but Nobody did it.

Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.

It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody have done.

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